i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
