Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
