I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
