I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
