my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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