Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
and you fell through a lawn chair
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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