All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize