i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
