I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
