I wish my penis had an off switch
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
