i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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