What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
