yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
