so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
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There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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