after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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