You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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