My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
