He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
