You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
