So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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