you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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