I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
