census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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