she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
