ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
