Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
