If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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