What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
