I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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