chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
