I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
