This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
