I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
