made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
