my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
