i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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