i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
