everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
