who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
