I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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