At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he was CRYING into my vagina
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
