do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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