Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
