Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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