Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Randomize
