I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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