Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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