girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
