just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
