he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
