I'm jealous of your bromance
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
