I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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