Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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