And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
