Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
