my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
