I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
