dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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