its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
