i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize