Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
