I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's blow job season.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
