I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
