Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
