didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
