we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
