Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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