walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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