she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
