i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
