No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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