She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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