I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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