I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
