the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
