Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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