Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
